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I have always been “awake”. It’s strange but in some way I always had this expectation that everyone saw the world the same way I did, but it was the toughness of school that showed me how very wrong I was. What does it mean to be awake; to be aware? I was called sensitive and told I was reading into things too much, but I knew things, I could sense things, I could feel things that other people couldn’t and at the time I lacked the vocabulary to do anything about it, so I stopped speaking. I stopped speaking my truth for fear that I would be judged or ridiculed.
The first time I meditated the teacher asked what we all experienced and I replied that I felt myself leave my body and view the class from above. The whole class laughed. I didn’t meditate again for years. It was then that I found the vocabulary for that particular experience – astral travel.
Lately, I am seeing and meeting so many people that have had a somewhat rude awakening, through a health issue, accidents or some other major disaster that shows them how they are seeing the world in a way that doesn’t serve them. We also have collective awakenings; Lady Diana’s death and more recently Cyril the Lion and the babies washing up on the beaches in the Mediterranean. But I have always been awake and I am seeing more and more people starting to see the world in the way that has always felt right to me. It's so exciting! People are starting to see the world the way that I always have and for the first time in my life I’m starting to not only feel like I belong, but that I have the skills and vocabulary to share my knowledge and also to show the way. It feels weird to say that.
It’s an odd thing, but I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere: school, university, teaching, my family of birth and especially social situations. I have a tendency to say what I think and dispense of all polite small-talk. I can think of nothing more mind-numbing than small talk! Let’s talk about the big stuff, about how we feel and be deeply honest with ourselves and each other. Honesty, I think is the most important quality in a person. I saw a quote that said something like: "you never fit in because you were born to create a new world," and it makes sense to me. I am birthing a new world, one where the way I have always seen it is coming to me and I don't have to keep trying to fit in.
According to Dictionary.com, to be awake is to not be sleeping or to have “different images awaken new emotions within us.” But it’s more than just not being asleep. To me, being awake means that you are a conscious being who is aware of the temporary nature of the human, physical experience. To Eckhart Tolle defines awakening as “a shift in consciousness” where thinking and awareness separate. The Internet abounds with plenty of definitions on the subject, but it’s ultimately more than a cognitive awareness that we exist. According to Brett Jones Perth author of the book, Awaken, awakening is “living in the moment, experiencing life as it is.”
We live in a world where we are conditioned to behave in a certain way and expected to follow instructions. As a teacher, I have plenty of experience in conditioning young people into behave in a way that society expects, often through the use of guilt or disappointment in the child, but more-so in seeing their soul, their humanity and the potential of what might be. But what I’ve learned is that people have their own way of being, but it seems that we are so confused to truly be ourselves – that is to be awakened – that we stumble our way through the world, never quite sure if we are doing the right thing and worrying about fitting in, when it should be the world adjusts to fit us. If you think of a flower or a plant, it grows towards the light, towards the open spaces and the trees and plants adjust to this new presence. So it is with people. Life is about the moments; the presence that you are.
I have recently discovered an amazing YouTuber Ralph Smart from Infinite Waters and spend three minutes watching this video (after you read my blog of course) and I think he is spot on, we have been conditioned to be a certain way in the world and none of us are happy about it but we are too scared to do anything about it in-case we “lose our jobs”. I met a man yesterday who had an awful day at work making a decision about mining activity which he viewed as something that would affect his children for decades. He was so scared of losing his job that he sat in his unhappiness. He could express his opinion at his workplace, but he wouldn’t quit that fear of not having the “security” of a job crippled him.
And I think that’s the core of what I’m saying, we are so scared of following our hearts to a truth that we know and love and of what brings us and others joy, of following our hearts to a compassionate Earth that we are starting to see emerge all because of a life we THINK we are supposed to be living.
What is “normal”? Is it normal to do what others are doing? At the end of the day none of us really know why we are here or how to do “adult” so we copy what others do. Of course that’s a great way to learn, but we already know deep within us how we want to be, the person within us that longs to write, draw, create, help others, plant seeds (literal and metaphorical) and allow that soul that is within us to shine.
On the other side of that fear is joy, an authenticity where you can strip back who you thought you were and be who you were born to be. Disconnect from the world and re-connect with Gaia, the Earth. Re-connect with yourself. Be normal? Hell, no! I am extraordinarily unique, I always have, always will be. The difference is that now, I’m not afraid to show it.
©Alyssa Curtayne 2015
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