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"We internalise this love energy inside us. It has nowhere to go and this turns us into a sad, broken and full-of-angst human being who feels rejected, lost and/or alone. It brings up the story that we tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough. "
According to online dictionaries, unrequited means “not reciprocated or returned in kind” and there are a mass of solutions to this particular problem across the Internet that is not specific to gender. But I think we’ve been looking at it from the wrong perspective. Psychology isn’t the solution to this problem. Energy is.
Most people at some point probably experience the pain and anguish of loving someone who can’t or won’t love us back. We twist ourselves into a pretzel trying not to love this person until we get over them or they or us move on.
But what if we just loved them?
I don’t mean the obsessive, stalking, possessive “he/she will be mine” love! But what if we acknowledged the feelings that we have for them and really owned those feelings?
What if we just loved them, instead of beating ourselves up about our feelings?
What if we just allowed the flow of love to come through our hearts and connect with that other human being in a compassionate and natural way?
So often is we block the flow of love for a number of reasons:
We are all energetic beings, we’ve felt the expansiveness of the love we feel from our heart space when in-love, or for our family, friends or children and that energy can be a tangible entity for some people.
We fall in love with who we fall in love with.
The first time GSM (Gorgeous Sexy Man) and I embraced, I felt like my heart exploded, I felt our hearts connect and I started feeling his presence when he was thinking of me. It was (and has been) intense, blissful and in all honestly, a little scary.
I knew he was important, but because a relationship was not what he wanted, I blocked it. I was trying to protect him from the massive well of love that I had for him that he wasn’t ready for.
But in this blocking, our heart energy shuts down and damages our flow and energetic balance.
We internalise this love energy inside us. It has nowhere to go and this turns us into a sad, broken and full-of-angst human being who feels rejected, lost and/or alone. It brings up the story that we tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough. Just like a dam overfilling, the energy has to flow somewhere, so it flows into obsession, pining and other distracting behaviours directed by the ego as a way to cope with the misdirected energy.
We lose ourselves.
We lose the authentic part of ourselves that has a huge well of love to give and we become someone else. We become the pretzel. We close our hearts down to ourselves, but also anyone else that enters our lives. We close down any opportunities for love in our world because our hearts are closed down to everything except our beloved.
I said to my girlfriend this week that I loved GSM and she said simply, “so love him.” It seemed so simple but somehow it gave me permission to love him. I don’t need anyone’s permission, but for some reason, what she said gave me permission to love him unconditionally.
There’s a scene in Eat, Pray, Love when a miserable Liz says “but I love him,” and he replies, “so love him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it,” and I suppose many of us have heard this quote and cognitively know it makes sense, but to actually feel it, that’s another thing and it has been transformative.
To really feel that love that you feel for someone; to feel it flowing through your heart, pulsing with life and the energy from the earth and from your essence, to Love, even if they don’t love you back…it’s so expansive and freeing.
Take back your energy. Take back your power to just love. Connect to the divine being that you are.
It doesn’t matter if your beloved doesn’t want you back, but in that flowing of energy from your heart to theirs, you reclaim yourself, you get to live in the bliss and ecstasy that is love and you get to free yourself from unrequited love, because after all, we are all love.
When I truly felt love for GSM without conditions, I felt the whole universe rush into my heart and none of it really mattered anymore.
©Alyssa Curtayne, 2016
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