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"We all, on some level, have some understanding of our life path and the key is being honest with ourselves about where we are and where we are going. "
My life has been a whirlwind of chaos for the past month. I’ve moved house, started a new business and let go of a couple of things that no longer serve me. It’s been an interesting time and today is the first day that I’ve had just to breathe and be.
I recently had to give a small job up that took up a lot of my time (mostly in travel) and I tossed and turned about it, agonising about how I would be letting her down, when in reality, by continuing to pretend that all was okay, I was letting both of us down by not being deeply honest with myself how I felt about my role. I had gotten into a space of saying ‘yes’ to everything that crossed my path because I felt that I would miss opportunities if I didn’t say ‘yes’. But what I created was a life so full of activity that I spent more time in my car driving to and from places that I had barely any time for rest, eating or time with my family. It came to a head on Saturday when I had a meltdown and wasn’t able to cope with a usually simple task. Telling her was hard, but continuing in this craziness was even harder.
We underestimate the value of breath and so often go through days holding our breath (and emotions) in. That’s why when we have a holiday we often get sick, because it’s the first time we have the opportunity to let go of built up emotions, tension and anxiety. It feels like the current universal energy is building in intensity and making us feel like we have no time, but living as if we have no time is not healthy for us or being authentic to who we are in any way, shape or form. But there has to be a better way of doing things than getting caught up in life and only stopping when you have an accident, a diagnosis, a death in the family or like I did, having a minor anxiety attack.
We need to recognise all the signs that the Universe gives us, long before we crash and burn.
I’ve lost count of the number of people I have met who have had a great "spiritual awakening" due to cancer, an accident, divorce or some other major life event. We are all spiritual beings and always have been, but with the busy-ness of modern life we forget who we really are. We forget to connect to the breath, to watch the sunrise or sunset, or lie out under the stars. We forget to look at the small insects and creatures that share this planet with us and most importantly, we forget to be still and allow the chaos to swirl around us while we hold our centre.
It’s like being in the eye of a cyclone; we know that this madness is going on around us, but if we can find that stillness within and just observe the moving winds around us, we can walk with the cyclone until it peters out. What I forgot, or didn’t create time for in the past month was my yoga practice, my blogging or journaling or any of the ways that I find my own centre. So my way of returning to self is a mini-crisis of sorts where I am forced to make a decision, which, in this case, I knew was coming with the letting go of things that no longer serve. I knew that that part of my life is coming to an end almost ten years after it started. Circus started in my life as an organic process as a part of my children’s life, but now, I feel like I’ve, well, for want of a better phrase, grown out of it. I feel like my life is shifting and moving in a completely different direction. It’s not that I don’t still love it; I just no longer want to have it as such a major focus of my life and my identity.
And I think that’s the main message for this blog, we all, on some level, have some understanding of our life path and the key is being honest with ourselves about where we are and where we are going. We need to create time for self-reflection and to stand in the cyclone and observe our life going on around us, otherwise there really seems no point in anything if we just get swept up in the chaos of the energy of life without stopping to get our bearings. The last thing anybody really wants is a crisis, so create time today to listen to your body, your breath, your intuition, your gut or whatever else you do and most importantly, be completely honest with yourself.
©Alyssa Curtayne, 2016
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