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Have you ever got into an argument with complete strangers online? I got sucked into it again yesterday and the moment I posted a response to my initial post, it was like something came over me and compelled me to keep putting my opinion first until there was a clear "winner." My ego loved it! But I felt completely out of control and lost the amazing joy and gratitude for life that I had woken up with.
Ultimately, I ended up feeling like I had been dirtied by the negative vibes of the two or three other “posters” and needed to have some detox from such negative energies. Of course, a few other people supported my case, but this feeling happens every time I engage with this type of discourse. I end up feeling like I’ve been put through the wash. My girlfriend said that it would be best to go for a walk, so I did. I embraced the beautiful landscapes and walking track only minutes from my house and I immersed myself in the sounds, smells and sights of the amazing Australian bush.
Needless to say, I don’t want to feel so sullied like that again that I needed to do some debriefing about how it all came about and more importantly, how I felt disconnected from my true self during that horrible interaction. And that, I think, is the answer. I became disconnected from the source of my true self and became someone who liked to have the last say! It’s strange, but I feel like I have spent the first forty years of my life learning how to fit in and now I need to unlearn all that I know. It’s only in the past few years that I can start to feel like I can strip back the layers of what “normal” behaviours that I’ve adopted in order to fit in and start un-learning all that the world has taught me in order to be myself again. Which brings me back to the online argument…we’ve been taught that our opinion matters and that it’s valued. And it does. We are lucky to live in a country which by some miracle, still has a culture of free speech (whether that lasts is an issue for a separate debate) and people feel empowered enough to speak their truth.
But what is truth? Is my truth more valid than yours? The moment we start to separate ourselves based on who is right and who is wrong, better or worse, there is a clear loser. There is someone who is elevated higher than another. If I follow the belief that everyone is a mirror of me, bringing up dross within me that needs clearing, then everyone is a teacher. Those young men who engaged me in a heated debate yesterday taught me that at times my ego can get out of control, that when it’s an issue that is seemingly important to me, it’s like waving a red flag at a bull, I react. I lose my centre. I lose my balance and more importantly, I let my positive energetic space drop to a lower vibrational level…of who I used to be, of who I learned to be by my life’s experiences and of societal expectation of conflict and operating from the ego centre.
Social media is one giant distraction from life. We have arguments with complete strangers, look voyeuristically at other people’s lives from the comfort of our homes and pass judgement on things that pop up. I’m not saying it’s all negative, but for me, the more I engage with it, the more I place more and more of my life into the time I spend checking and responding to notifications, the less time I have to BE in the moment of life. It distracts me from the birds singing outside, the fresh, clean air that I breathe into my healthy body, time with people I love and the creative projects I have inside me that just want to get out.
This morning this came up in my newsfeed from Osho, which was timely (as the universe always is):
“Give life to things which are beautiful. Don’t give life to ugly things.
You don’t have much time, much energy to waste. With such a small life,
with such a small energy source, it is simply stupid to waste it in sadness,
in anger, in hatred, in jealousy.
Use it in love, use it in some creative act, use it in friendship, use it in meditation;
do something with it which takes you higher. And higher you go (the) more energy
sources become available to you.”
There are so many issues going on in the world and we cannot sit back and watch it happen, but we can make a change from an elevated space, not dropping down to responding in how things used to be or how we learned to respond. It is not about sticking our heads in the sand and allowing terrible things to happen to people and going “it’s their journey.” It’s our journey too. All life is a reflection of who we are. So, how can we address the things that trigger a response? With love, with loving action, loving words, loving kindness…we don’t need to change the entire world and bring everyone into our way of thinking, we just need to adjust the way we respond to the world and our little place in it in a way in which we feel authentic and centred in our divine power.
So instead of knee-jerking to the new issue that triggered a response in me this morning, I reflected on what would be the most loving course of action, where I still felt empowered by speaking my truth and yet could make a positive difference. I dropped deep into my heart and I spoke from there and it felt good and I let it go.
©Text and images Alyssa Curtayne 2015
All images, videos, products and texts Copyright ©Alyssa Curtayne 2014-2017