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What is the story you tell yourself about your life?
Mine is rejection.
For both men and women I self-reject. I put out a vibe that you SHOULD reject me. It’s the reason that I explain why things happen to me. It’s the excuse that I use to explain everything. It’s the place I go to when I crawl up into a ball and cry. It’s the place where I go which justifies being alone and it perpetuates more of itself.
Why do I do this?
I can see it. I know when I’m doing it and yet, it comes up like an unconscious thought pattern that I have no control of. I suppose that I’m lucky, I can see the pattern when so many people can’t.
I’ve developed a series of Chakra cards and Guided Journals for people to connect with themselves and others and one of the questions in the Yellow set is “What is the story that you tell yourself and others about your life?”
And my story is that I’m always rejected; by men, by women, by employers, by the universe. What’s common about the rejection, is me. I am the common denominator, so therefore it is in my thoughts, words and actions that I continue to affirm that I am rejected.
It is not that I’m worthless or deserving of rejection it is that I keep telling myself that it is so.
I’m not an unattractive woman and I have an enormous heart and gift for giving. Where does this unconscious thought come from? Why do I always return to this state of being rejected? Why is this my go-to place? Where did it originate?
I guess in some way, I feel rejection from my parents. I am 100% sure that they did nothing wrong, but for whatever reason, the rejection story started in my early childhood and it’s stuck around for years. And, in all honesty, it probably happened to one or both of my parents and their parents and their parents. I see the rejection pattern in my children, to varying degrees, and I want an end to this pattern.
I see it.
I own it.
I don’t want this story anymore. It doesn’t make me feel good, it makes me disconnect from people and it really isn’t true.
It is completely untrue that I’m rejected. To be rejected implies that I’m not worthy but by FUCK I am worthy! I am amazing.
How often do we get stuck in a story or a pattern that we continue unconsciously to perpetuate?
How many of those stories belong to our parents, grandparents, or even further back generations?
How often do we ask ourselves of the truth of it?
We are a critical juncture of human history, where we can shed the stories of the past that continue to hold us back and make us feel less than we are. This is not to say I have conquered my rejection story, but I am aware of it and the more I am aware of it when it comes up, the more power I have over it.
May you face your story and embrace it for what it is.
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