Blogger and creator of the Chakra Cards, this website has something for everyone
The search for the One, or the soulmate, consumes the life of many of us, particularly women. We are seeking the one who just ‘gets’ us and the search continues until we find him/her. In many ways, we have been conditioned for this behaviour through the masterful work of Walt Disney and the brainwashing on the media that has us seeking for a relationship that simply doesn’t exist. If you want a superficial sort of love, well, by all means dive into the ‘romance’ of Disney but if you are like me and want something more, read on.
I haven’t met my one soulmate, I’ve met four of them and that's only the men. I'm not talking here about my soul sisters whom I adore.
At any given point in time, had our choices been different, I would have committed to any one of them. But I wasn’t ready. They weren’t ready. I want a love that is extraordinary, not normal. If I wanted married-with-kids-living-in-the-suburbs, I could have it.
But I want more. I deserve more. I deserve a man who I can love, who I am willing to lift up when he is down, who I can trust so much that I can open my heart wide and fall into him, who I know who will stand by me and who I can give space because I know or understand at that point it’s what he need and that by doing so, I am selflessly loving.
You’ll notice that none of what I said is about him. It’s about me.
My first major relationship was with a man nine years my senior. I saw him playing football as a teenager and knew that I would have him. It was my first lesson in manifestation really. I got him four years later. The problem with me in this relationship was that I became so attached to him that I associated him and sex for a long time. He set a tone for what I wanted sexually and it took a long time before I met a new benchmark in that area. The other problem of course was that he was married. I knew I deserved more. I knew that he could never give me what I needed but more importantly, I knew that he belonged to someone else. I was being selfish. Selfish is not love.
Number two was the father of my children and I was instantly attracted. We had a whirlwind courtship and were married within three weeks. Yes, you read that correctly. It was a crazy time. Things were not good from the beginning but you know, when you make a commitment to someone, you do your very best to make it work. And try I did for much longer than necessary. The problem with me in this relationship was that I wasn’t compassionate to his homesickness, his adjustment to a new country, I didn’t love and accept him for who he was, I wanted to fix him, to change him. Changing someone is not love.
Number three was a case of unrequited love. I adored him and saw how seamlessly our families merged together. I wanted the married-with-kids-living-in-the-suburbs, but it wasn’t what he wanted. We created great memories together, but again I was being selfish. Selfish is not love.
It took a long time until I met number four. I had a lot of inner work to do. I had found some patterns. I had seen the flaws in my seeking for the stereotypical love, when in reality, I wasn’t being honest in what I wanted. I was using the stereotypical model when in reality, I wanted deep and complete connection to myself, to the spirit within and without. I thought that I was ready to walk alongside another in a shared life. I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready until I could be completely happy being with myself, of being alone with my thoughts, my being and without desiring anything from anyone else. In my early 20s, my grandmother said to me, ‘you may feel lonely, but you are never alone,’ and I never really got it. I mean, I understood cognitively, but I didn’t FEEL it deep into my bones until the past 12 months. Whether I’m in a relationship or by myself, I am divinely connected to the universe and every living being on this planet, I feel loved in this moment and everything is perfect.
Finding who you truly are and being strong enough to love, despite the flaws and imperfections is the reason that you haven’t met that one you are seeking because he/she is within you. To truly love yourself, to feel the divine beauty of your soul, the sexiness of your body and be able to touch yourself in a way that you want an intimate lover to, that’s beautiful. To be able to hold your head high and feel the Goddess and deliciousness and perfection of yourself and to be able to see the God and deliciousness and perfection in another is where I am at, which brings me to GSM (see previous posts), number four.
To find yourself you need to do hard work. You need to dig deep and clear the debris from your past. You need to seek a counsellor and work through your past relationships, starting with the most important, yourself, your parents/grandparents/family connections and intimate relationships. You need to appreciate you for the beautiful human being that you are. Participate in journaling, drawing, workshops, find teachers or whatever it is that you need, or you could simply start valuing yourself by changing your thoughts. We can get so bogged down in over-analysis and talking about it all that we lose sight of the divine being that we are and our infinite power to change ourselves by changing our thoughts, our perception of what is.
I am completely and utterly in love with myself. I love myself from a place of deep love and respect. I love myself enough to walk away from this man if being with me is not what he wants. I have no desire to change or modify him in any way. I accept him for who he is right now and I want to know all of him and I feel safe enough with him to open up myself to him completely. I feel comfortable in sharing the best part of my life with him. I completely love him for who he is and for the lessons that I’ve learned about myself during the past 12 months. I am so grateful for our time together, whether it is for a day, a month, a year or a lifetime. I want him to be happy. I want him to follow his heart. I’m happy to flow with him in love, because if it’s not him, someone else will come along and I can practice, loving compassion, patience, unselfish loving, to open up my vulnerabilities and completely holding myself in a place of love as the Goddess that I am, because anyone can be our soulmate. We just need to be ready to know how to love them unconditionally when they come along and not accept anything less than we deserve.
©2015 Alyssa Curtayne
Again, thank you to Leyolah from kundalinidance.com for your Goddess wisdom and teachings.
All images, videos, products and texts Copyright ©Alyssa Curtayne 2014-2017