"I have learned about the survival mentality and how, when you feel that you have no choice, you make desperate decisions – like selling my home. I was so desperate to find a solution to my financial mess that I couldn’t see any other way out than selling the mess."
There have been times in my life when we have lived on pasta and two minute noodles for up to a week. There have been times when my children have missed out on basic supplies for school and they miss out on so much more that other children have. Yet, we are not and have not been in poverty, it’s all relative. We just have enough to pay for the basics, we have no disposable income.
I have never known anything else other than this financial struggle, yet I work my ass off, just like my parents did. I work so hard. At times I work multiple jobs in order just to keep my family afloat and the older they get, the more expensive they get. The other thing about this whole experience is that of poverty consciousness and surviving from pay cycle to pay cycle has been that it has been an incredible gift; for both myself and my daughters.
In 2008 I brought my lifetime home, a beautiful little cottage perched atop of a hill in Tasmania; it was minutes from my mum and sister and around the corner from one of my dearest girlfriends and her kids. It was the home that I saw our future in, the house I saw my retirement and grandchildren in and the house that my kids would always call home.
Then in 2010, I felt the urge to travel, so I set my home up with some wonderful tenants, packed our belongings into a four-wheel drive and camper trailer and took the girls around Australia. We survived on a meagre savings and work that I could exchange on organic farms for free board (and sometimes food) and a minimal government family payment.
Eventually I realised I had to work to give us the lifestyle that we wanted. Meanwhile in my house, the tenants had moved out and new ones moved into our home. Thus started a downhill spiral of no longer having our financial future set with a solid investment and a home to return to when our travels finished. The next two lots of tenants were so bad that they caused incredible damage to our home that we had them evicted. The cleaner said it was the worst case that she had ever seen.
You can see the article and photos here. The second lot of tenants refused to pay rent and had one excuse after another. The combination of both of those tenants put me further and further in debt and I was basically working just to service the debt – yet, on the best income I ever had, we still had no disposable income.
Given no choice, I had to put the house on the market; our home, the place that still holds a place in my heart. The new owners created a wonderful renovation, but in my mind, I can still see all the things that I wanted to do to it, yet keep that beautiful cottage charm. But I was still servicing these debts that the tenants put me in, we just couldn’t survive. Without any options forthcoming, I entered into bankruptcy.
That was two years ago. I still have one year to go until I’m discharged from it. But it’s only now that I’m starting to feel like I’m getting on my feet. I still have to say no to my kids for their requests for money, not because they are being unreasonable, but because I can’t afford it.
Yet, there is light. There is goodness in this whole sorry mess. I have learned about the survival mentality and how, when you feel that you have no choice, you make desperate decisions – like selling my home. I was so desperate to find a solution to my financial mess that I couldn’t see any other way out than selling the mess.
Unfortunately that means I’m starting again financially.
But my children have learned so much more. I see that in their actions they do not want to have a future where they can’t provide for their own children, so I see them making decisions that help them to create their own independent financial futures.
I see them learning how to be frugal and how to save and when a purchase is an unnecessary expense. I can see them thinking about how they spend their money and I see them being grateful when I do have the funds to help them out. I see them learning from their experience of relative poverty.
I am so very grateful that my children know humility, they aren’t excessive consumers – in-fact they are extraordinarily talented op-shoppers. I am so very grateful that they know that I don’t need to show them I love them through money, but with love and attention and life experiences.
Even though we are still in relative poverty I no longer feel like I’m being punished for it, I feel
empowered by it. I feel empowered that I know the value of money and that I have taught my daughters the same.
May you find the good in whatever it is you are battling today.
©Alyssa Curtayne, 2017
You and I have not had the best relationship, in-fact it’s been quite tumultuous and this frustrates me because I love you. I need you Money. It is a world in which is so inequitable in many ways and I think that you are unfair in your distribution of yourself. You also support projects which are detrimental to humanity and the health of the Earth, which I am so very frustrated about. I wish you would be fairer and trust in the goodness of the souls of whom you avoid. I am one of them.
My whole life has been built on a debt to you; I am always paying off the past. I would like to break with that pattern and for you to come into my life freely, willingly and consistently.
In every aspect of my life I always endeavour to follow my heart and guidance – but Money, you make this very difficult when you don’t’ turn up promptly. For example, at the moment I feel very drawn to just be here for my kids and follow my writing dream – but I cannot do this if I have to go out and seek you and be dependent upon the Government for you.
I understand that you and I didn’t start our relationship off well. I have inherited a generational distrust of you and of seeking treasure as a means to escape poverty, but I deserve you in my life, just as much as the next person Money. I feel this distance between us where I don’t feel like I “get” you and you don’t certainly see me as a welcoming space to shower with your love. How do I become that person that you freely shower, because I don’t get it? And how can you get to know me better if you are constantly coming and going. How am I to get to know you if your presence is very erratic in my life?
I would very much like to have you come and stay in my life and for you to do the same for my children. I want my kids to feel the abundance and joy of you, of being able to spend and share you with projects and people that they love and are passionate about.
As for me, I have long had a plan for your presence in my life and am so excited for your arrival. I can’t wait to see the faces of my family and friends when I share you with them. I am so excited about moving into my own beautiful space with your help and never again feeling restricted by not having you around.
I love you Money. I love how you smell, feel and how you make me feel when I follow my joy and bliss – when I get what I’m guided to do.
Money, our history has been rocky and built up over generation, but I’d like us to start a new relationship. One that is both loyal and receptive but immediate and generous. Money, I ask that you rush into our lives (on behalf of my children) as a welcoming and open presence in our lives, to stay for my lifetime and all future lifetimes. I’m very excited about our fresh start and new relationship.
With much love and appreciation,
©Alyssa Curtayne 2015