"The role of women is changing from the traditional maiden, mother, crone to a time where any woman can be whatever it is she wants to be. A Goddess doesn’t have to be a young woman, or a mother, and she can age as gracefully (or disgracefully) as she wishes. It’s about women having choice; it’s about women feeling beautiful, powerful, confident and sensual in their own skins."
The internet has been awash with blogs, Instagram images and articles about being a Goddess, yet, unless you have experienced it, many women do not know what a Goddess is, or indeed, how to be one. And what on Earth does it mean to be Empowered? In the interests of full disclosure, this article will be my truth about what being an Empowered Goddess means to me.
For many years, I was plagued with self-esteem issues and it wasn’t until I did an online course with Leyolah Antara at Kundalini Dance that I felt the pulsing of energy that is the feminine energy of the Goddess that I fully understood the sensation of being an Empowered Goddess. I guess for me, I had to experience it to understand its power.
I could start by writing about how women were revered in many ancient cultures (and some modern ones), however, I think that it will detract from the issue. Such powerful women as the goddesses of early Pagan (Diana, Hretha), Hindu (Kali), Sumerian (Ishtar, Ereshkigal), Egyptian (Isis), Norse (Freyr, Bil), Irish (Dana, Brigid) and Greek (Aphrodite, Artemis) societies, not to mention those from China, Africa and the Americas as well as Indigenous ones and those in the Biblical stories, such as the divine Mary Magdalene.
I could talk about the other terms like embodied woman and Shakti that are used interchangeably about the Goddess in the early 21st Century but for the ease of the article, let’s just stick with the Goddess. Historically, women were revered as they carried children and the burden of both life and death through the process of childbirth. Thankfully, maternal deaths are decreasing and less women are dying in this important stage of life, and more interestingly, many women are choosing not to have babies. The role of women is changing from the traditional maiden, mother, crone to a time where any woman can be whatever it is she wants to be. A Goddess doesn’t have to be a young woman, or a mother, and she can age as gracefully (or disgracefully) as she wishes. It’s about women having choice; it’s about women feeling beautiful, powerful, confident and sensual in their own skins.
Women have only had the right to vote for about 100 years and the Goddess has risen historically in periods when misogyny was at its worst, such as when the Inquisition tortured and killed thousands of men and women who stood up to the church. Women who rode “cowboy” were considered witches (I kid you not!) (Stay tuned for my first novel, Matilda, based on this crazy misogynist culture in 2018). The Goddess brings us back to balance when the masculine energies become too dominant and unfortunately, we need the Goddess energy now more than ever.
Women are tired of being told what we can and can’t do by men and the institutions that run the world. We are all powerful, we know it and men know it and when they see us in our full power, they know who really wields power; and it’s not men or women, it’s a balance between the two.
The word “empower” means to “to give power or authority to; authorize, especially by legal or official means.” By its definition alone, being empowered means that we give permission to ourselves to feel the power of ourselves. By extension, an empowered person also aids and empowers other people, particularly women, ethnic minorities and those who are in some way disenfranchised by society. Putting others down, does not empower the self, and it certainly does not empower others.
An Empowered Goddess is not the antithesis of men, she lifts up the men in her life as much as she lifts the women and herself. It doesn’t have to be duality; that is dominance by men OR women, it’s about balance. The more the Empowered Goddess taps into her inner self, the more that she can empower others to be the very essence of who they are, raising us all up in a collective empowerment.
To me a Goddess is a woman who has embraced and accepted all of who she is, that is, her darkness and her light. We all have the capabilities to be a great healer or leader or indeed someone who is capable of murder, given the right scenario. A Goddess sees and acknowledges those parts of herself that reflect both the primitive parts of humanity and the full goodness of it.
A Goddess is a woman who has done a lot of self-reflection and owns all of those parts of herself that at times she doesn’t like and at times she loves. When she looks into a mirror a Goddess will sometimes see a frightened little girl, or a vulnerable woman, other times she will see a wild woman ready for anything and other times a sensual, sweet seductress.
A Goddess is a woman who is assured in her sexuality; she has no guilt or anxiety around masturbation or sex and honours each and every lover with every ounce of her being. She can see her lovers’ vulnerabilities and knows just when to support him/her and lift them up. She is able to walk away if it’s not bringing her satisfaction, yet she is happy in the moment, knowing that she is exactly where she is meant to be.
She is not afraid of men, in-fact, she knows just the right ways to disarm or seduce a man should it please her. This is not something that she shows off, but if she wants someone or something, she will get it, she knows of her power to manifest her desires in a way which is loving but not manipulative. An Empowered Goddess feels into her body and she knows it, inside and out. It’s a feeling of being connected to something greater than all of us; a flow of femininity if you like that completely honours and respects the masculine and feminine balance of life.
May you find and honour your inner Goddess and those around you.
©Alyssa Curtayne, 2017
Note: In 2015, I created tools to help people become self-empowered; Chakra Cards. Unlike traditional tarot and other divination tools, these tap into our intuitive self and allow people to clear all that no longer serves for them and help them to become an empowered Goddess or God with the power of looking within. Chakra Cards Empower yourself; look within.
Our souls are deep, throbbing entities that exist within and around us and more importantly around other people. When we connect sexually with another our energies merge with theirs and if we are sleeping with a lot of people, are we aware of where our energies are going?
We all love it.
We all want it.
But we don’t talk about it in a way that values its sacredness enough.
I have had a few one-night stands. They are not for me. I don’t think it’s worth the short term pleasure in the long-term, but that’s just me. I wish I could be one of those people who can do one-night-stands or short-term flings, but the emotional cost is too much. I give my heart fully to every moment and every person and when that isn’t reciprocated I destroy myself with mental angst.
Deep connection is what I want. Not just random sex with a stranger; deep intimacy and letting down all those barriers that we put up to hide ourselves from others. I have friends who do find deep intimacy with short-term partners and I’m happy for them, they go with the flow, are happy with being in the moment, but when I connect with someone, it’s not just for the night. I’m a deep thinker and a deep lover, I want depth. I deserve depth.
Not only that, I wish to fully honour my man who is being vulnerable enough to share with me. I want to honour the man that he is and make him feel like a God. So often we forget that fear of being vulnerable happens to both men and women and it takes enormous courage to strip back those layers and be vulnerable. I want to honour that courage. I want to honour that in a man who would be vulnerable to be loved, caressed and connect deeply, wow, I look forward to that moment!
Somehow I think that like in every area of my life, I expect others to see the world the way that I do and that for me one-night stands are sort of like junk food in a diet. You enjoy it occasionally, but it doesn’t make up the bulk of your daily needs. It’s about moderation. I have had an abundance of (particularly) younger men proposition me, but I just can’t do it. I barely know their name, let alone want them to see me naked. If I’m going to get naked with someone, I want it to be meaningful.
I wish I could do friends-with-benefits, but I can’t. I can’t just switch off my heart and pretend that the time we share in intimacy means nothing. I can’t pretend that I’m just a sexual being as separate to a heart-centred woman. I am a beautiful, sensual woman who loves sex, just like you. And fuck, I deserve an amazing lover who will be a friend as well.
For me, sex is a sacred connection between two people and it seems like our culture has cheapened it with meaningless encounters with strangers. With all the work that I’ve done on sacred sexuality with Leyolah at Kundalini Dance _in the past 12 months, it brings back into my focus that every interaction we have is a soul interaction. And the energy that we generate during sex can be transcendental for both people, so to release all that energy in a meaningless encounter seems like a waste of that build up.
We are souls connecting, and souls are not superficial, they are deep. Our souls are deep, throbbing entities that exist within and around us and more importantly around other people. When we connect sexually with another our energies merge with theirs and if we are sleeping with a lot of people, are we aware of where our energies are going?
I, for one, want my energy connecting deeply in every interaction with others, but sexually, I want to connect with just one. I want all of my energy connecting in that space with one other soul and to experience that spiritual bliss that accompanies the sexual experience. I guess that because my focus has always been my spiritual growth, why would my sexuality be any different?
We are spiritual beings having a physical experience and sexuality is the perfect union of the physical and spiritual aspects of ourselves, so why would we make it less of what it could be without the spiritual aspect? I am learning to love what is.
I am a delicious, sexy, juicy woman and I love sex. It makes me feel alive, pulsing with life force energy and until my friend, adventure buddy, companion and lover finds me, I’ll have to continue to enjoy the bliss and pleasure that I can create with my own body and the Universe because sex without connection, that’s just not for me.
©Alyssa Curtayne 2015