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"Crying is universal - across all cultures. It appears in folktales and mythology and across ages, from babies to the elderly and even animals. Given this, why is there so much shame in it?"
You know when your face is all red and swollen, that heaving - almost vomiting - sadness that wells up from deep inside us and there are no more tears left? That moment when you couldn't possibly cry anymore because you have nothing left inside?
It's similar to the space between asleep and awake, an inhale and an exhale, the moment your foot leaves the ground ready to step forward, or backward.
When you're completely exhausted from sadness.
That is the moment that sits in infinite potential of our being. It's that moment that we are raw and vulnerable and our beingness sits in possibilities - the possibilities of awakening, the possibilities of exhaling, the possibilities of changing direction and the possibilities of allowing joy to bubble up inside us.
We have so much power in that moment.
Crying is as natural as breathing. But just like when we hold our breath or when we hold our tears and sadness in, it is us that suffers. We choke. We drown in our emotions. We are unable to live fully. Borgquist suggests that before we cry, we have an accumulation, where emotions build up until they can no longer be held by the physiological system. And yet, as awful as it feels sometimes, crying is good for us. It is hard for science to measure a good impromtu cry in a lab, but overwhelmingly (60-70%) of people found psychological benefits in having a good cry. Crying is universal - across all cultures. It appears in folktales and mythology and across ages, from babies to the elderly and even in animals. Given this, why is there so much shame in it? Why do we hide our raw, emotional feelings?
According to psychosomatic therapy, tears shouldn't be wiped away. The energetic release allows for the tracks of the tears to fall away along with the reasons for the grief. The Communication Queen Carmel Murphy suggests they should be allowed to flow past your chin "You simply must allow your tears to flow to allow release. Pschomatically your spirit does not register that you have released the emotion until your tears reach your chin. So cry freely and heal quicker." So let them flow. As my girlfriend rightly said yesterday "maybe it's about accepting...and not fighting it." Her wisdom was a timely reminder of loving what is, diving fully into the sadness, to sit in it, to sit with it - without judgement.
Life is not about our achievements or popularity or the stuff we collect, it is the moments. It's the moment before sleep or awakening, the pause between the in-breath and out-breath, it's the momentary pause between steps and it's the moment that sits between sadness and joy. Life is made of these moments. And in every one, we have a choice - to suppress our feelings, or to allow ourselves to BE in that moment, until our face is puffy, our stomach muscles are aching, the tears are exhausted and we feel empty. It's in that emptiness we have choice and that feels empowering.
©Alyssa Curtayne 2019
 Borgquist, Alvin. “Crying.” The American Journal of Psychology, vol. 17, no. 2, 1906, pp. 149–205. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/1412391.
 Rottenberg, Jonathan, et al. “Is Crying Beneficial?” Current Directions in Psychological Science, vol. 17, no. 6, 2008, pp. 400–404. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/20183331.
All images, videos, products and texts Copyright ©Alyssa Curtayne 2014-2018