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"Or because I see the infinite potential of choices that I as a white, Australian woman have in my life? Of life slipping by in this rapid passing of time that we call life? I think it's simply because I don't want to waste my life. "
Cleaning, washing, routines. Blah.
Mundane. Dull. Uninspired.
Life can be so boring. Can't it?
I get bored easily. I don't often last at jobs or in houses or places for more than three years and by the time the three years roll around I'm as restless as a tiger pacing the confines of a zoo. I wish I had the staying power; the ability to just be happy with the routines of life. After all, life is made up of the mundane - shopping, cleaning, looking after children, working...but I want my life to be meaningful. I don't want to get to the end of my life and look back and go, "Wow, I could have done that instead I had to wait until the circumstances were right"...are the circumstances ever right? Teenagers are often easily bored, but when they allow themselves to be in that deep state of boredom they hit this moment where they find their creativity, their muse, their passion. But what about when you are bored with life?
One of my favourite sayings is "Chop wood, carry water, Englightenment, chop wood, carry water." It implies that even when we are enlightened or in an ecstatic state, we still need to carry on with the mundane. But oh, I find it so hard! The Merriam-Webster definition of boredom is: "the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest", so what is it that a job or a place can't hold my interest? Is it because I have no patience? I know that being patient is a virtue, but at what cost? Or because I see the infinite potential of choices that I as a white, Australian woman have in my life? Of life slipping by in this rapid passing of time that we call life? I think it's simply because I don't want to waste my life.
Yet, I hear my intuition telling me its time to move on and I keep pushing that feeling aside and dismissing it like my intuition means nothing. Our intuition can be such an incredible tool to travel through life. I once had a mentor say that my desire to keep moving is about my ego's need for variety and that I need to calm that base need. Maybe it is my ego, but isn't a healthy ego a good thing? Maybe I crave variety in my life, not as something to be ashamed of, but because variety means that I can have an interesting and spectacularly wonderful life, so that I can lie on my deathbed and say that I had no regrets.
In her book, Five Regrets of the Dying, former palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware spoke of the things that people wish they had done.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“The peace each of these dear people found before their passing is available now, without having to wait until your final hours. You have the choice to change your life, to be courageous, to live a life true to your heart, one that will see you pass without regret. ”
Already I can see how see how I am having regrets about my life and I'm not even half way through. I'm not living true to myself, I'm not following my intuition and I certainly don't let myself be happy. Thus, we return to boredom. The mundane. There has to be more to life than housework and routines. So perhaps in reality, my boredom is my way of searching for meaning in my life and when I start listening to my intuition again, maybe I'll create space to be happy. So, just for today, I will follow the signs given to me from the Universe and see where it leads.
©Alyssa Curtayne 2019
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