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Our souls are deep, throbbing entities that exist within and around us and more importantly around other people. When we connect sexually with another our energies merge with theirs and if we are sleeping with a lot of people, are we aware of where our energies are going?
We all love it.
We all want it.
But we don’t talk about it in a way that values its sacredness enough.
I have had a few one-night stands. They are not for me. I don’t think it’s worth the short term pleasure in the long-term, but that’s just me. I wish I could be one of those people who can do one-night-stands or short-term flings, but the emotional cost is too much. I give my heart fully to every moment and every person and when that isn’t reciprocated I destroy myself with mental angst.
Deep connection is what I want. Not just random sex with a stranger; deep intimacy and letting down all those barriers that we put up to hide ourselves from others. I have friends who do find deep intimacy with short-term partners and I’m happy for them, they go with the flow, are happy with being in the moment, but when I connect with someone, it’s not just for the night. I’m a deep thinker and a deep lover, I want depth. I deserve depth.
Not only that, I wish to fully honour my man who is being vulnerable enough to share with me. I want to honour the man that he is and make him feel like a God. So often we forget that fear of being vulnerable happens to both men and women and it takes enormous courage to strip back those layers and be vulnerable. I want to honour that courage. I want to honour that in a man who would be vulnerable to be loved, caressed and connect deeply, wow, I look forward to that moment!
Somehow I think that like in every area of my life, I expect others to see the world the way that I do and that for me one-night stands are sort of like junk food in a diet. You enjoy it occasionally, but it doesn’t make up the bulk of your daily needs. It’s about moderation. I have had an abundance of (particularly) younger men proposition me, but I just can’t do it. I barely know their name, let alone want them to see me naked. If I’m going to get naked with someone, I want it to be meaningful.
I wish I could do friends-with-benefits, but I can’t. I can’t just switch off my heart and pretend that the time we share in intimacy means nothing. I can’t pretend that I’m just a sexual being as separate to a heart-centred woman. I am a beautiful, sensual woman who loves sex, just like you. And fuck, I deserve an amazing lover who will be a friend as well.
For me, sex is a sacred connection between two people and it seems like our culture has cheapened it with meaningless encounters with strangers. With all the work that I’ve done on sacred sexuality with Leyolah at Kundalini Dance _in the past 12 months, it brings back into my focus that every interaction we have is a soul interaction. And the energy that we generate during sex can be transcendental for both people, so to release all that energy in a meaningless encounter seems like a waste of that build up.
We are souls connecting, and souls are not superficial, they are deep. Our souls are deep, throbbing entities that exist within and around us and more importantly around other people. When we connect sexually with another our energies merge with theirs and if we are sleeping with a lot of people, are we aware of where our energies are going?
I, for one, want my energy connecting deeply in every interaction with others, but sexually, I want to connect with just one. I want all of my energy connecting in that space with one other soul and to experience that spiritual bliss that accompanies the sexual experience. I guess that because my focus has always been my spiritual growth, why would my sexuality be any different?
We are spiritual beings having a physical experience and sexuality is the perfect union of the physical and spiritual aspects of ourselves, so why would we make it less of what it could be without the spiritual aspect? I am learning to love what is.
I am a delicious, sexy, juicy woman and I love sex. It makes me feel alive, pulsing with life force energy and until my friend, adventure buddy, companion and lover finds me, I’ll have to continue to enjoy the bliss and pleasure that I can create with my own body and the Universe because sex without connection, that’s just not for me.
©Alyssa Curtayne 2015
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